So this weekend was pretty good. Friday night I had a really bad melt down. OK first and foremost it didn't help that we watched "The Secret Life of Bees" which I recommend. It's very good. I started crying on and off during that movie but then then the flood gates opened and I started thinking about how much I miss my mom and my dad and how much I hate my f'ing anxiety. How I've been dealing with it for so long and how I wish I could just get part of my head drilled into and remove that part of my brain that causes me to having anxiety attacks and panic attacks.
Anxiety is ruining my life, it rules my life, it keeps me from being as social as I should be. Yes I like to be a homebody but at the same time when I would like to go out or I do go out my anxiety ALWAYS gets in the way. I hate this I hate my anxiety. I HATE IT.
My girlfriend Michelle though did mention to me that she found a support group that meets twice a month and it's free that deals with anxiety and panic. She is one of my good friends that actually understands what the hell I go through. She too has said her anxiety has for some reason been much worse the past two months.
Either way I cried a lot Friday night and Rob was a dear and listened to me and got me Advil and a cold wash rag for my swollen eyes and even rubbed my neck a little. I slept pretty good and Ian was such a dear and only woke up once at 6am but went back to sleep until 8:20am! I know I couldn't believe it myself. Saturday we went and bought a new fridge with the money from our tax refund, we also plan on getting a new furnace, which Rob's dad will install for us. We then went to my cousin Jimmy's daughter's birthday party. She turned 4 and is so in love with everything princess. It was nice to see that side of the family as we don't get with them nearly enough. Rob and I then got to have a date night. We dropped Ian off at Grandma Schmahl's and were going to go out to a movie but were not really in the mood once we dropped him off so we came home home, snuggled in bed and watched Madagascar 2. It was great.
Today we got up and kind of did our own thing this morning, I went to Target, Rob went to Best Buy and Home Depot, we got the fridge and kitchen ready for our new fridge that is being delivered tomorrow. I got some laundry done and then we went to pick up Ian at 3, well we ended up staying there and having some dinner with them and got home around 6:30. Ian is so close to walking he just is very cautious. He is also getting into testing us. (we tell him not to throw his cup on the floor or food and he looks right at us, smiles and drops it)
So all in all anxiety is a b!tch