Tuesday, February 17, 2009

F'ing anxiety

So the past month or so has been HORRIBLE. I seriously don't understand why my anxiety and panic has been such an issue. I'm trying to think of all the things that have changed.

In November I stopped pumping, in January I went off birth control due to excessive bruising it was causing on my thighs, I went into the dr and got a new rx for a different kind but of course with it being the beginning of the year and having a $1000 deductible it was a little spendy so Rob and I just decided I would not be on it for a bit and I'm wondering if not having those hormones in my system is causing my anxiety to be worse. I've been throwing up at least once a week, I've taken quite a bit of my Klonapin which I don't like taking.

I've been trying to do imagery and breathing techniques and NONE of it is helping. I literally want to ball my head off. And of course they come out of the blue, a lot of times they can be triggered to when I'm eating or about to eat, so if it happens before a meal time I just won't eat and after the feeling subsides I may munch on something bland like pretzels or something. Then there are other times I'm very hungry and start eating and then it kicks in and I usually end up throwing up what I just ate. When this happened a lot in High School I was labeled anorexic because I wasn't eating, um yeah I wasn't eating because when I would my anxiety would kick in and cause me to throw up!

I'm just done with this anxiety shit. Done! I wish there was just something that I could take or do to get rid of it all. Maybe I need my meds upped or switched or hell I don't know.

No comments:

Post a Comment