I don't fucking get it. I run errands on my way home, come home to Rob making dinner...quesidillas and I ask him to warm up some food for Ian also. I ask if he will please feed Ian since I fed him the night before while I ate and I would like to enjoy my meal tonight while it's still warm. Of course he has to be a jackass and ask me why he wants me to feed him. That he can't feed him because he's the man of the house...and some other bull. Of course he's got a smirk on his face so I know he's joking around. He says "I am just waiting for you to say it's fair" He has this huge thing about fairness. I try to make things 50/50 when it comes to taking care of our child. I understand that moms to more most of the time but I want to involve Rob as much as I can in raising Ian.

So I'm getting angry at this point and said "Fine I will just feed him, whatever" I walk away because I'm mad and he follows me, punching me in my arm, not hard but after a few times it starts to hurt. I ask him to leave me the hell alone but nope he follows me into the bedroom and keeps doing it until the timer goes off in the kitchen and he goes to get the food out of the oven. I come out and grab Ian's food and start feeding him, of course Rob has to be a jackass once again and slam doors and plates and then comes in and asks me if I want milk, I don't answer him. He then comes back sits down and starts eating after throwing my food onto the table. I ask him what the hell his problem is and he tells me "If your going to be a bitch so am I" ugh I don't fucking understand him. What the hell, it's like he just wants to pick a damn fight with me which is easy because I'm already tired and not feeling the greatest.

At times I wonder if I would be happier with out him. But of course I wouldn't. I would be raising Ian all on my own, I don't want to be a single mom, I don't want to come home everyday to no one. I love him, but I just don't understand why he feels the need to act like this. I know I'm not angel what so ever and I know I'm not the easiest person to deal with but hell I go to work everyday, come home, clean, wash dishes and bottles, make Ian's food from scratch and not to mention I pump 4 times a day just so Ian has milk and we don't have to buy formula. It's not a easy job.

I just want to cry but if I cry I'm giving him, I show him that he won. I just have to write this to get it all out. I've just had enough of this. I wonder if we need to go back to marriage counseling or what we need to do. We have sex issues, I don't want to have sex, I have NO sex drive and when he does want to have sex he thinks he can turn me on just by touching my vagina, um hello you need to warm me up to the idea. Kiss my neck, you know that always gets me. Dumb ass. Hell I'd go every other night if you did some more shit around here and not out working in the studio and putting our money into that music. I love his music but in reality I don't think it's ever going to go anywhere and it's just costing us money, costing others money. It would be nice to park in a garage.

Ok rant over I need to let this all go before I get mad all over again and fly off the handle.

Men just don't get it.

So it's going to be my first Mother's Day. And what do I get? I get a husband that is going out the night before with his friends and staying out for the night. Granted I don't want him to drive home and risk his life or the lives of others but at the same time I want a full nights rest and I want to sleep in. I want breakfast made for me. I want to feel like a queen. I want to be appreciated for what I do.

I just don't understand. Rob says that the reason he is no going to change the date with his guys is because it's been planned for 3 months and none of the other guys have a issue with it with their wives so why should I. Well none of the other moms are celebrating their very first Mother's Day. Ugh!

I guess I should never expect anything from him, that way if I do get something I am pleasently surprised and grateful. I know I should be happy that I am married to him and he does his share in taking care of Ian and the house but at the same time I get upset because he goes out for his shows on the weekends to perform and gets to drink and hang out with those friends then. But that's different because that is a different set of friends.

Ugh men are so complicated. So annoying. So full of shit!

2 month check up

So yesterday 4.10.08 Ian had is 2 month check up.

When he was born he was 6 lbs 13 oz and 19 inches long.

Ian is now 12 lbs 5 oz and 23 3/4 inches long. He is getting so big so fast it's crazy.

We also had to have shots yesterday. He had three shots, 2 in his left leg, 1 in his right leg and then another immunization that was oral. Of course he drank the oral one right up and loved it. The first shot as I lay over the table and hold his little hands he looked up at me and then she stuck him with the first one and he just got this look on his face like " WTF?" He started screaming and crying and turned bright red. Ian has never cried so hard that he actually had tears. Yesterday he did. He just had tears streaming down his face and of course I started bawling.

Yesterday he was a little crabby but slept quite a bit. He slept pretty good through the night, got up at 3:30am and 5:30am then we were up for the day at 6:30am. He's been sleeping on and off during the day today but when he's awake he just wants to be held and rocked and comforted. He just whines when he is awake. He is also running a low grade temp. so we have been giving him some Tylenol which seems to be doing the trick.

My poor bub is so sad. I am also super sad because this coming Monday I have to go back to work. I don't want to. With every ounce of my being I don't want to go back. I want to stay home and take care of my son. It just sucks that not only do we need the money - not desperatly but it helps but I also carry us with insurance.

Coming up....

So we have 3 months and 5 days till the wedding. We are so damn excited. Excited to get married and excited to just well get it over with. The planning and all the different places we had to visit. So exhausting. Can't wait to just go on our honeymoon and come home and be husband and wife. Saturday we will be cake testing and getting the dresses for the junior bridesmaid and the flower girl so that should be exciting.

I put our engagement picture up in my profile I hope you all like it. Weddings are frustrating because there are so many people I want to invite yet can't cause we just don't have that much money. Barely have enough to cover who we have coming now. So if you want you can throw some our way!!!!

So yeah that's it just thought I would update any of you that care about the wedding. My dress, veil and tiara are in. The photographer is hired, so is the dj. We have our ceremomy pretty much written we just need to get the cake ordered and get the invites printed and sent out. Ahhhhhhhhhh Stress!!!!!!

Ultrasound

On Thursday the 11th I walk into my OB clinic and Rob is sitting there, he doesn't look to happy. Turns out the ultrasound tech didn't show that day so we were unable to get our ultasound. After some tears we were able to get the ultrasound the next day at 4pm at another clinic.

Fast forward to Friday at 4pm. I was so excited, my stomach was so up and down I lost my lunch....literally. But once I was laying down with that warm gel on my tummy and seeing our beautiful baby I was on cloud 9. She started at the head and we got a lot of wonderful profile pictures. Then she moved down to the tummy and heart etc. taking measurments, the suspense was killing me yet I loved taking everything in, knowing that the heart was functioning perfectly and everything was right where it is suppose to be. 10 fingers, 10 toes the umbilical cord is perfect. So we get to the between the legs shot and turns out the umbilical cord is also between the legs so she pokes around on that side for a bit and the baby moves and sure enough she says "It's a boy!" Both Rob and I questioned here asking if she was sure and she pointed out all the little boy parts. I of course started crying once again, we were both shocked because we thought for sure we were having a girl.

I think when so many people tell you that you are going to have a girl you start to believe it yourself. So anyways we are almost done with the ultrasound a hour later, I think she felt bad that she got us in late plus what happened at the other clinic so she didn't rush it. Which was so sweet of her. Then we get to measuring my cervix and the placenta. Not so good news. Turns out the placenta is partially covering the opening to my cervix and if it keeps covering it then I will not be able to have a vaginal birth which I really want. Most woman do. I don't want to be cut open and have my baby taken that way. So we have to schedule another ultrasound for a month or two down the road to see if the placenta receeds or if it covers more. If it covers more then we will be scheduling a c-section. Which in that case I will be scheduling it for Feb. 7th, because that is my daddy's birthday and well since he isn't here to experience the baby's birth we can at least have him born on the same day and we are also giving our little guy my dad's middle name.

So that is my wonderful, dramatic ultrasound. Rob and I are both on cloud 9. The pictures are in my profile if you want to go take a gander.

Best Birthday Ever!!

Rob had to go out of town on my Birthday for a show so we celebrated the day before by going to the MN State Fair. We had a lot of fun, it was hot but we ate a ton. On our way home we stopped and I got a pedicure to treat my poor aching feet. Then at home Rob gave me my gift of 3 - 1 hour body massages at my favorite massage place.

Later that night I was laying on the couch wathcing tv as Rob packed up the van to leave and I got the BEST GIFT EVER. I felt the baby kick. Well it was more of a flutter and I know it wasn't "just gas" I felt it about 4 times. I was in Heaven. Then I only felt it once on my Birthday and then once today in church. But I am just so happy I finally get to feel him/her moving. I'm sure a few months from now I will be telling the baby to stop kicking your hurting mommy or mommy is trying to sleep. But hey so far so good.

Oh and I also woke up on Saturday morning to a wonderful assortment of flowers Rob left me for my Birthday. He did very good this year!!!

I am not up North at my mom's spending time with her and my step dad. It's been a faboulous weekend so far. Of course I wish my husband was here to share it with me but hey he is promoting to new people so more power to him.

Just thought I would update you all who read my blogs. Love you all bunches!!

We are Pregnant!

Well can you believe it? I know we can't. It is simply amazing. We will be expecting our new bundle of joy in Feb. of 2008. Rob and I are still in a bit of shock. But we are just so so excited to start this phase of our life.