This is just my letter to God, for me to get this out for me to vent some anger and frustration.
Why oh why are you putting me through so much hurt and so much pain with a job and people I have to be with 9 hours a day 5 days a week. I understand a lot of people don't like their job or what have you but they are not dreading it day in and day out. I want to work, I want to go into a job where I feel like I am making a difference in one person's life. I don't want to be talked about behind my back, I don't want people judging me, criticizing me, yelling at me. I just want to be treated like a normal human being. I don't like this wall I've had to put up and having to act like a cold hearted wench just to get through the day, if I don't I'd cry from 8-5. This isn't fair Lord.
I've often sat and wondered why this? Why me? Why now? Is it to show me all the wonderful things I do have in my life? I love my life outside of work. I love my wonderful amazing husband and my oh so cute little red headed man that you gifted myself and Rob with. He has taught me much more then anyone ever has. And he's only 2. I have an amazing family, friends, neighbors. And I am realizing that more and more each day. But with that each day....I wonder why the hurt, why I can't just get into a job I actually like going to, someplace I deserve to be and where I make a difference. Some place I am recognized for my abilities. I know this place is out there I know it is, and when I apply and think I will be getting a follow up call or interview....Bam a shot in the heart. It literally rips a piece of my heart each time.
I know the economy is still bad, I know there are a lot of others looking for jobs that don't already have them. But at this point 4 months later and not one single interview......I've had enough. I'm tired of crying, I'm tired of complaining.
Please God, please tell me what I need to do? Become a better Christian? A better person. I know I can do those things we all can.
I give it all to you Lord, my life, my anxieties, my panic, my job worries. I hand it all over to you. I no longer can carry this burden, this weight on my shoulders. I give it to you and trust and believe in you that you will do right by me.