Wednesday, October 21, 2009

I really need to write more......

It truly helps me writing, it's weird. Granted I treat it more as a letter to someone. Anyone who cares to read and maybe have some insight or truly just say hi. I read a lot of other blogs which are AMAZING, truly amazing whether is be Mommy wants Vodka, Matt, Liz and Madeline or Mckmama to name a few. And many others I love to follow up on, I don't know how to make my blog either popular or just more comment I don't know, either way life is going good right now. Ian is 20 months old! I can't believe in 4 short months he will be a 2 year old! Tonight he got his first Birthday Party invitation to our neighbor's little girl Birthday. She will be turning 2 on the 30th of this month. Where or where does the time go?

Rob and I are doing well, we have our disagreements like anyone else but I truly believe we are both really trying at working with each other rather then against. Not that we were ever against each other but well let's just say he's not pushing my buttons as much, he's realizing my emotions more and how to deal with them. Yes I AM a very emotional person, I am also very opinionated and controlling. The controlling part I know comes from my anxiety disorder. I can't control my anxiety so I try to control everything around me to help me not have anxiety. Um yeah that doesn't always work to my advantage as it shouldn't. But at the moment well I want it to, hell who doesn't want to have their way ALL THE TIME.

As I'm writing the post I am getting anxiety, why I don't know but I am. It sucks it truly sucks. The past few weeks I've just seem to been in a circle of good, bad, good, bad. Work is well work, it's been frustrating with some changes but it will all work out. I am trying to learn to leave my stress from work at work but that is rather challenging.

So here I am trying to calm my mind from anxiety, try to pour it into my blogging, trying to watch tv and distract myself. Trying to NOT take my klonapin. Because to me that is giving in and I know after taking it for so long it tends to not work as well. So to not take it and take it only when I REALLY need it is way better. Like when I'm out of my "safety zone" like my home.


  1. Well, you may not be "popular" in the giantor world of the internets, but you are number #1 with me!

    I don't know how you handle your anxiety so well, but you do and I am in awe of you. There is no way I would be able to handle it as well as you do and still be so loving and giving to everyone around you.

    As much as you don't like to admit it, you are GREAT and are a wonderful mommy and wife. And of course, friend.

  2. Aww you just made me cry! I love you forever and ever!!!!!